If this question would be asked, what would be your answer? To be honest about it, my answer varies according to the mood I am in. At times, I would tend to say yes, there are times, I simply do not care.
I am afraid to die because I don’t know the method in which the scythe of death will take me. Will it be painful or painless? I have very little tolerance for pain and this is what I fear the most.
I don’t want to die yet, because I have several things in mind to do –“My Bucket List” of sorts. To give you an idea, here they are:
Publish a book on Inspirational Stories – ongoing – the Publishing house says it would be ready before the month ends.
Publish a bio (maybe of mine or a family member?)
It seems the above-mentioned are all in the “writing genre”. Well I have other plans as well:
To tour the world and document these travels as @thirdworldgeek and Ceblogger usually do; locally at first, and then Europe, Spain, the US, and India. I wish money would fall from heaven for me to be able to do this.
To skydive (wow – I would like to feel how it is to fly, with the fresh air on my face and the wind whipping against my body! )
To record a song (The Will of the Wind, Solitaire to name a few…) I would be contented doing it the privacy of my room. I’m a frustrated singer. (ehem…)
The rest in my bucket list concerns family which are too personal to reveal. If you insist and would like to email me, I might…he he he… (Just kidding.)
And the next thing that comes to mind is how do I like my wake to be?
I want it to be solemn but not sad. I want all my blogging genuine friends to be there. I want my adopted son Sir Arvie – to sing “The Warrior is a Child “and Rey Jr – “Stand by me”. This I personally wish it could happen before I die, so I could admire it with both of my mundane and ethereal self.
Of course Doc Z can belt out the song:” Bed of Roses”, he he he… although it is not pertinent to the occasion. It would be refreshing to hear his ululating notes of the song. This dynamic person is a poet, writer and a singer all rolled into one.
Roy could also sing: “Malayo ang tingin”? Ang tanda Na ng kanta…he he he…
Lyle could croon: “Words” for me too, with the permission of his wife, of course. The melody and tune just fits perfectly with his mellifluous voice.
Then, I want my body cremated and my ashes gathered in a special urn. They could spread my ashes eventually in the mountains where I had previously dreamed my dreams and rejuvenated my soul and being – just like what Eric of Ruminations of a Small Town Mountain Boy usually did/does.
I would permit crying…lol… what is a wake without this expression of loss? Am I too presumptuous to believe people would mourn my loss? Perhaps the world would be a better place to live in without me? But I believe in encouraging my wards instead of terrorizing them so I guess the CC bloggers would not wish me dead even when my back is turned. (Wink) (I know they said hi to Holly.)
But, I would like to emphasize that crying should not take forever. Life goes on, so everyone should move on, I – to whatever awaits me – I hope it’s not the burning furnace. Mea a culpa.
I remember the story of the publican and the Pharisee; the Pharisee being so proud and judgmental of the Publican, proclaiming in his self-righteous way that he is impeccably pure and without sin : “ I am not a sinner , like this Publican beside me” . Little did he know that God had cast him into the fire and had uplifted the Publican to heaven.
No one is perfect, we all have our imperfections, and in our quest for perfection, we should always treat others as we expect to be treated;”The Golden Rule” – the mother of all rules should be our guiding tenet. If we observe this, then we could always have our motivations pure and honest and we usually don’t go wrong.
My tombstone? Let it be written:
Here lies Jen, the dreamer.
Who dreamed big with hopes a-glimmer,
that one day all of her aspirations
Would be fulfilled till her last exhalation.
Would this pass?
I know these are meandering thoughts and I rambled away from the topic. Allow me to express them as they have occurred in my mind.
Am I afraid to die? that I prefer to keep you guessing as to what my definite answer would be!
Photo by Tammra McCauley